First things first, I am so thankful that on Thursday August 21st, Owen Edward Gawel was born healthy and happy (Well, as happy as could be expected with middle school looming only 12 short years away.) at 10:57 p.m. in Riverside Hospital, Columbus, Ohio. Not only did Owen hold off long enough to let the old man catch the KISS/Aerosmith show; but he even threw in a bonus day to allow me to recover from my brutal draft beer hangover. Thanks little buddy, I owe you one.

Weighing in at seven pounds, three ounces and measuring an impressive 20
inches in length, he is a handsome devil, if I must say so myself. Of course, studies have shown that while 100% of parents believe their baby to be "beautiful", 65% of all babies born are, in fact, quite unattractive. You'll have to take my word on Owen. He must have got Mom's good looks.

Additionally, studies have also noted that while 100% of parents claim that their kid is a "Genius", 90% of those same parents are borderline retarded. Sadly, I must confess that I am moving steadily into that 90% group.

So what are my thoughts on being a Dad? Too many to note in this writing, so let's just start with the all the advise I was given before The Big Day and how they truly applied.

Now, I spend my free time working mornings at a coffee shop just down the road from my house. (A row house in the Grandview area, we rent) In a nutshell, I show up at 5:30a.m, brew some coffee, and shoot the bull for a couple of hours. Conversations tend to center on Politics, Buckeye football, and mind-numbing daily updates on people's kids/dogs. It is a  fun job and you get to meet all types of people. Well, all types of people who can afford to spend three bucks on coffee.

As an added bonus, when customers aren't grousing about the lack of progress on their "honey do" lists, stocks, kid's golf handicap, Hummer car payments, Buckeye running game, etc., they find the time to offer me several, precious pearls of wisdom regarding my pending parenthood.

Here are actual statements I heard more than once. I would write them  down on beverage napkins with my right hand as I pumped coffee with my left.

"You will know love for the first time"
I thought I met love in 4th grade when I had a crush on Tami Garvin.

"Time to settle down and make some real money"
Yuk.

"Everything is gonna change, you will never be the same"
God, I hope not. Will I suddenly find beer untasty and AC/DC too loud? That's a depressing thought.

"Get some sleep now, your gonna need it, heh... heh..."
If you work at the bank, the loss of sleep probably does mess you up. Rock 'n' Roll ruined my sleep schedule so long ago, I feel about as tired as always.

"No more going out at night playing rock n roll"
Please.

Those are some strong statements. Undoubtedly,"It is the greatest moment of your life" was the most popular statement. As they told me about the miracle of childbirth, the man or woman standing before me would get an otherworldly, out of body experience look in their eyes. Picking up on my skepticism, they would end the conversation on an ominous note by nodding their head slowly and whispering, "Just wait, You'll see".

After such unprecedented hype and build up, like the Super Bowl if it were played on New Years Eve, I thought to myself, "This better be good".

And you know what? It was good. It was nice. It was a relief. I stood right in the room and helped out, cut the cord, the whole shebang. When the Doc finally, set a crying Owen down on his mother's lap and I looked at him, only one word came to mind:

"Cool"

That's really what I thought.

I feel kind guilty for not having a stronger reaction. I guess I was expected to drop to my knees and point to the heavens like Dan Stultz after a 26-yard field goal in the spring game, but it didn't happen that way, what can I say?

Maybe the greatest moment of my life will be when Owen smacks his first hit in little league baseball or he graduates from Harvard. Perhaps it will be when he gets paroled early for good behavior.

Then again, maybe the greatest moment in my life should come from me and not him. I love him as much as humanly possible, but it isn't his job to provide me with happiness. And it isn't my wife's job or the band's job. It is my job.