Hey God, Colin here. How's it going up
in heaven? Looks like you are finding some time between
serious jobs like Holy Wars and Hurricanes to enjoy yourself.
I, personally, have always thought that your sense of
humor is extremely underrated. This summer has been a
hoot. Just when I thought nothing could be funnier than
our President; you give us the California recall and the
northeast blackout within two weeks of each other. Even
Cosby can't come up with classic material that quickly.
You are one funny God.
Say, I was wondering if you could do
me a favor? See, my lovely wife and myself are expecting
a baby boy in the near future. The due date is August
26th, and so far everything is going perfectly. No complaints
at all. Thank you very much for all the good health you
have blessed us with. In fact, things are going so well
that during the last trip to the doctor, he said that
he wouldn't be surprised to see little Owen pop his head
out a smidgen earlier than expected. This is where the
favor comes in.
I was kind of planning on that August
26th date when I scored 2 free, sixth row tickets for
Aerosmith/ KISS on August 19th. If it's no big deal, and
you happen to find yourself with a little down time this
week, could ya go ahead and make sure Owen isn't born
until at least the 20th? No big deal if you can't, I know
that Africa and the Catholic church keep you pretty busy,
just if you think of it, I would really appreciate it.
I mean, I am incredibly excited for the
birth of this li'l guy. And by all accounts, becoming
a parent is the most touching moment in one's life. But
in the grand scheme of things (and you know a thing or
two about grand schemes), what's a day or two gonna matter
anyway?
See, I have only known Owen 8 ½ months.
I have known Kiss and Aerosmith for 27years. My first
album was Kiss Alive. My third was Toys in the Attic.
I took a Kiss album to show-n-tell in 2nd grade. The teacher
(Mrs. Wion) asked me to read the song titles. In a clutch
decision, I decide to skip right past "Hotter than
Hell" and "Come on and Love Me". I got
lucky and she didn't notice. My first concert was when
my late, great mother, Mary Ann took me to Richfield arena
the summer after my 4th grade year to see KISS on the
Dynasty tour. Because of KISS, I had to have
a guitar. I started playing music because of KISS.
I started drinking beer because of Aerosmith.
In high school, my friends and I weren't really what would
be considered "ladies men". We spent most of
our free time in a friend's parent's basement, shooting
pool, drinking beer, and listening to old Aerosmith albums.
Aerosmith and beer made you feel cool even when you weren't.
Mind you, this was back when Aerosmith was off the radar
screen.
During the summer of 1986, you may recall
that I begged you to let me see Aerosmith on MTV just
one time. "Let the Music Do the Talking" just
wasn't getting any love on Headbangers Ball and I didn't
know where to turn. Boy, you sure answered that prayer.
Actually, it may be time to call off the dogs. Maybe send
an e-mail around alerting the angels or whoever is in
charge of MTV and VH-1 that we have seen enough Aerosmith
already.
I know what you are gonna say. It isn't
even really KISS. Not with "Space Deuce" Tommy
Thayer dressed up and pretending he is Ace Frehley. And
yeah, I know that I will be lucky to hear 2 'Smith songs
that pre-date Permanent Vacation (I am not counting "Walk
This Way", "Sweet Emotion" or "Dream
On", all of which I was sick of seeing live before
I was old enough to drive).
But come on, Aerosmith and KISS TOGETHER!
In my hometown! 6th freaking row for God's sake. (I mean,
goodness sakes.) I used to spend 24 hours waiting in line
(not online, you nerds, but sleeping on a sidewalk or
in the back of my Pinto) to get tickets this close to
these bands.
Let's cut to the chase. I feel I do some
good work for you down here by playing music and forfeiting
material goods and what not, so here is what I am prepared
to offer:
