Austin, TX (AP) Columbus, Ohio based rockers Watershed will again be touring America this spring. Expect the same rusted out van sitting outside the club; just don't expect to hear any new tunes inside. In fact, don't expect to hear any tunes at all, unless the house jukebox is plugged in.

Succumbing to the realities of the radically changing music industry landscape, Watershed is the first major act to jettison the outdated "live performance concept," the industry standard since the 1950's, and downsize to the modern business model necessary to compete in today's cutthroat global economy. No guitars, drums, or roadies are needed for a great night of entertainment. The performers simply pull up to the venue where they are scheduled to perform, walk inside and sit down at the bar. Fans are encouraged to drop by, ask questions, or even buy the band drinks.

"Talk Globally, Rock Locally," as the model was recently dubbed by music intellectual Carson Daly, is based on the one simple fact that savvy bands have understood for years: people are more likely to enjoy your band if they never see you perform or hear your music. Focus groups have conclusively proven that if you sit at bar all night and talk about how cool your band is people will leave believing that you and your band are actually, in fact, "cool." This up-tick in favorability rating leaves the door wide open for "upselling" at a future date.

"The Chinese bands were just killing us (under the old model)," remarked Watershed singer/guitarist Colin Gawel. "They play 4 or 5 sets a night for a pitcher of tap water and an old newspaper. We just couldn't find any work. We knew we had to cut expenses quickly or we would be forced to outsource our entire rhythm section to engineers from the Calcutta School of Technology like Robert Pollard did with GBV. However, I must say in fairness, those Indians were pretty tight."

The band seems to be enjoying the new strategy. "Sure, I guess I miss playing sometimes," remarked bassist Joe Oestreich, "but then again, I've always felt that if it wasn't for the gigs, touring would be the perfect life. How many times have we just been relaxing at a bar when all of the sudden we have to get up and haul all our gear onstage? And then offstage?! How many times?"

"A lot. Too many [expletive deleted] times," answered drummer Dave Masica. "This new system is like the Donald Rumsfeld plan for rock n roll, we can deploy anywhere with amazing quickness. We can play bowling alleys, strip clubs, truck stops, you name it. We can do a gig anywhere we want, when we want. Fans cannot possibly ask for much more than that… can they?"

Watershed fans interviewed for this story seemed to have a mixed reaction. "It is nice not to be forced to scream 'Freebird!' over top of the PA system just in order to be heard," remarked Ken George, following a Watershed, March 16th performance at the Double Door in Chicago. "Now I can just approach the band at the bar and politely ask if they plan on performing 'Freebird' at anytime in the near future. But sometimes the silence in the bar gets a little creepy."

Other fans were less charitable. "I switched shifts at Subway and drove three [expletive deleted] hours to see these losers play 'Anniversary,'" complained Mitt Swanson outside Smith's Old Bar in Atlanta. "And now you are telling me they are just going to sit at a bar and get drunk. Watershed Sucks."

With the tour on pace to lose a record low amount of revenue, others might also argue that "Watershed Sucks.   ...sucks like a fox."