A self-proclaimed Georgia Satellites tribute band, the League Bowlers have returned with a new album in one hand and a fall tour schedule in the other.

The Bowlers are a collection of rockers who span two generations of Columbus Music. Jim Johnson was a longtime drummer for Willie Phoenix. Mike Parks, considered one of Columbus' best guitar players, has played with numerous bands throughout the years, among them being The Gods and Willie Phoenix. Dan Cochran has kicked the bass licks for Big Back 40, Train Meets Truck, and Feversmile. And, the newest addition to the Bowler line-up is Colin Gawel of Watershed and The Wire fame.

A very reclusive group, I was able to secure an interview with the two seasoned League Bowlers, Johnson and Parks, to find out a little more about the dynamic of this Midwestern Supergroup.

NOW IT'S DARK MAGAZINE:  
Colin is a new addition to the band. What happened to your previous singer and rhythm guitarist, Carl Rose, Jr.?

JIM JOHNSON: 
Carl is spending some time in London. um... correctional facility. It seems he violated his parole when he committed petty theft auto.

[As opposed to grand theft auto, petty theft auto is when the stolen car is valued at less than $500. In Carl's case, the 1972 Gremlin he stole outside a truck stop in Tipp City, OH was valued at $350]

We planned to meet at the studio to record the first batch of songs [for the new album]. He needed a ride, but no one wanted to pick him up in Tipp City, so he "borrowed" a nearby car.

NID: 
How did you guys settle on Colin as Carl's replacement?

JOHNSON:
Carl's departure was far from timely. Then, to complicate matters, Dan ran off and married Parks' daughter, Misty Lynn.

MIKE PARKS: 
(sighing) Dan's good guy, I guess, but I needed to see Misty Lynn, in person, to make sure she wasn't suffering from a brain cloud, or some other medical disorder that would take away all reason and common sense. She agreed to meet here, as a matter of fact, at Johnny's. Jim came along to keep me company as I waited.

JOHNSON: 
And to make sure it didn't turn into fisticuffs, if Dan was with her.

PARKS: 
Yeah, I was still a little hot, but just I wanted to punch Dan in the mouth and then get him back in the band. Rock 'n' roll isn't personal, ya know. That guy has magic fingers.

(Johnson laughs)

Shut the fuck up.

JOHNSON:
While we waited, we noticed this guy who seemed a little worse for wear. After about three hours, we got to talking.

He explained that he wasn't really a down-on-his-luck, drunk musician. In fact, he doing research for the next Watershed CD, which was to be a concept album about broken down, drunk musicians.

PARKS:
Colin talked all kind of shit about how big [Watershed] was and how he had a big record advance, and that maybe the Bowlers could open up for his band at the Ohio Center one day.

JOHNSON:
We got suspicious about his story when he kept asking to borrow money to buy beers, which are only a dollar at Johnny's. For such a heavy rock star, he seemed a little light in the wallet.

He was real cocky until we told him that we had a gig that would pay him 10 bucks a night and all the domestic draft he could drink.

PARKS: 
(laughs) Yeah, boy, that shut him up. He just got real quiet and hung his head and in almost a whisper said, "I'll take the gig." He just wilted. I looked at Jim and just pointed at the sidebar, I didn't even know there was a fucking sidebar. Although, I guess I should have since we were in a bar.

NID: 
Did your daughter ever show up, Mike?

PARKS: 
No, but Dan showed up. I worked the body then blasted him with a left hook. I bought him a drink after.

NID: 
Where were you, Jim?   I thought you were there to stop a pummeling.

JOHNSON: 
Oh, I didn't see him come in.  I was at the Love Tester.

It all worked out, though.  Dan still wanted to be in the band.

NID: 
Now, I haven't seen Dan since he was playing in Big Back 40. How did he get into the Bowlers?

JOHNSON: 
He is like Colin. Young and dumb and full of... Oh, sorry Mike.

(awkward silence)

Anyway, he thought that he was going to get rich with some YAHOO commercial featuring "Can't Smile Without You". He put that whole deal together and played on the track. He was talking all kind of shit about the mechanical royalties he was gonna make. That was when he eloped to Vegas with Misty and built his house in Mt Vernon.

PARKS:  That bull YAHOO check never came, because Cochran is still broke. So, he took the same deal as Gawel.

JOHNSON:
Damn, I hope Gawel didn't take the same deal with your daughter.

(laughs)

NID: 
What kind of music should the Oldfield's crowd expect on October 17th?

PARKS: 
82 proof rock n roll.

JOHNSON:
Actually, we prefer whiskey drenched.

NID:
I see... Well, that's all I really have to ask. I only have to fill two pages, and I think I've got plenty. Thanks.

PARKS: 
Oh, alright. Would mind getting the tab?

NID: 
Of course.

JOHNSON: 
And sliding us a few bucks for a couple more rounds?

NID: 
Well, I'm uncomfortable with how much I've bought you already. I don't want to be an enabler.

JOHNSON: 
Come down off your throne, your majesty.

PARKS: 
Seriously. It's not like we're threatening you.

[sound of blackjack smacking in hand]

Shit, are you still recording this?

[click]

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