It has belatedly come to our attention that the lack of “props” paid to The Fabulous Johnson Brothers earlier in the year has caused them to be “Audi 5,000”.  They are moving to California.  You disrespectful fucks have not only screwed yourselves, but everyone else in Columbus, too.

This repulsive lack of props for our most important artists is responsible for not only the loss of The Fabulous Johnson Brothers, but also the entire Columbus music scene.  We have lost, or are losing, the calculatedly quirky-cute rock of Howlin’ Maggie; the Billy Squirey, Cheap Tricky, all bubble gum pop of the Watershed; the porn-rock of Spank Bank; and now The Fabulous Johnson Brothers.  Who’s going to frat-funk your asses now, Columbus?  This lack of regard for our betters has even made it financially impossible for Dan Dugan, the Jesus Christ of the Columbus music scene, to marry his wife, Tracy Zollinger Turner.   Et tu, Columbus music fans?

The League Bowlers have had enough of your shit.  To show respect for our best and brightest, at 12:01 AM November 25, 1999, we are changing our name to The New Fabulous Johnson Brothers.  This Thanksgiving, we, at least, give thanks to The Fabulous Johnson Brothers for getting down and getting busy for us these last few years.

Know your role, Columbus,
THE LEAGUE BOWLERS
“Keeping you greased until The Retreads are in the mood since 1993.”

Reprinted with permission

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